Say so long to Elvis Presley and Elvis Costello! There's a new king in town. Me! Elvis Mando Andres Sammy Angel Rafael Julio el companiero... Sanchez! The next salsa meringue singer! (pull out CD) And here is my first CD! You think this CD will give me a big head? My mother says I was born with one. My head was born on Friday and my body was born on Sunday. The doctor feared my head would block out the sun. But I am the next best thing since sliced tortillas. (Or the hottest thing since Menudo.)  I am part of the hot line of Latin Lovers that includes Enrique, Ricky and J-Lo. That’s not Jell-o, but her T & A sure move like they are full of it. Theres always room for J-E-l-l-O?  I shouldn’t say that. I could get sued, fined, or arrested. I hate it when that happens, Especially when it gets on the inter-net, or the wall at the post office. Still J-Lo’s hot, and I know what's hot. Forbes, January 24, 2001, reported “Hispanics are hot. Hispanic media is hot.” And you wondered why I put my bikini underwear in the freezer every night. Latin Love is so hot that according to the 2000 Census, Hispanic birthrates went up 38% last year. We’re not just mattress bopping, we’re also chart-topping.  The Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, Spring 2001, announced that Latin Lovers are big among Latinos, African Americans, Asian Americans, and Caucasians. Okay, I know where Latin America is, I even know where Africa and Asia are, but where is Caucasia?  Yeah, whities groove to La Vida Loca, La Copa de La Vida, La Bomba, and yet they have no idea what we're singing.  Yet, folks, the Latin Lover Syndrome is hurting us. Brandweek,  July 2, 2001, explained that the stereotypical Latin Lover is big in media, but small in reality. This disparity is causing cognitive dissonance among Hispanic youth. Society is sending the message that Latinos are the best lovers, and the worst lawyers.  To better understand why everyone wants a quickie with Ricky and why The Latin Lover Syndrome is dangerous, we will first make out the Latin Lover qualities, then secondly, look over,caress, and fondle the problem, so that finally we can kiss and make up a solution to this seductive stroke, I mean seductive joke.
        A Latin Lover may be a male or a female. A male Latin Lover is one who measures his machismo, not with a Home Depot tape measure, but a K-Mart ruler. According to Hispanic Magazine, September 2000, a Latin Lover measures his success by the legions of females he can enslave. He can flamenco dance or do the salsa, or even shake the bon-bon without letting his bikini underwear bunch-up. Let me show you. (SONG & DANCE) A trick I learned from my mother. According to Cosmopolitan, January 2001, bikini underwear are one reason people find Latin Lovers sexy. Who can stand panty lines! True, "banana hammocks" don't leave much to the imagination, but so what?  The second type of Latin Lover is the female Latin Lover.  She is one who measures her prestige by the countless men she can enslave. Oh, and I would be a Jo-Lo’s slave. Bega me. Cachetea me! John Lequizamo summarized the reason Latinos are stereotyped as great lovers. In the September 2001 magazine In-Style, he said, Latinos, are erotic because they are physical and in touch with their bodies. Well, of course. When you grow up touching and hugging while sleeping with five brothers in one bed, you better be comfortable with your sexuality. Now that we stripped away the Latin Lover’s aura of mystery, let’s uncover the problem, by looking beyond the cover of my CD. (Isn’t that a great mug shot?)
        There are many problems of the Latin Lover Syndrome. First, is that when we do see a Latin-American in the media, they are usually a lover. Yet most of the time we are invisible on television or in the movies. I mean name a Hispanic sit-com.  There’s...and there is.... See? Usually they are on Telemondo, Univision, or those other bad all Spanish speaking stations. Imagine if the big sitcoms actually made us visible. They’d probably follow the stereotypes. We’d have Just Shoot Me Up about Hispanic crack addicts trying to run a Latino fashion magazine called Rush.  Or we’d have Everybody Loves Raymano about a Latin Don Juan whose wife, mother, grandmother, and all his aunts live in the same house. According to the Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, Spring 2001, the Latin American population has mushroomed in the United States. It increased from 14% in 1970 to 48% in 2001. Even with this population increase our presence in the media industry is negligible. It doesn’t make sense. It’s nun-sense! The second problem is that this syndrome is a Hollywood myth that promotes racism. According to Victoria “Secret” Thomas, author of the 2001 book, Hollywood's Latin Lovers, "Latin Lovers were created as a passport to a forbidden fantasy.” This is why the high school student body president, Hope Crawley dated me last month. Well, it’s also because I kept camping out by her locker. But everything was going great until destiny set in. Destiny Crawley, her mother that is, muscled in. It was like the film The Graduate, or in my neighborhood, The GED Equivalent. Many Americans even think of Latin America as a fantasy world where they live in constant daylight savings. They’ve turned their clocks back thirty years. Additionally this syndrome reveals the colonial attitude of the European meeting the indigenous man. The Latin Lover Syndrome creates an image that the Hispanic is a sexually hungry native needing rescue by a sexually mature white person. Nonetheless, it is all money in the bank.  Everyone is getting into the act. Even Mr. All-American Lifeguard, David Hasselhoff who, according to Entertainment Weekly, November 11, 2001, recently released a full-length Spanish album. He claims his real name is David Gonzalez. Yeah, right! And I’m Michelle Quan! A third problem is how this syndrome makes Hispanics feel a need to always look sexy. As James Borrego, reminds us in Hispanic Magazine, October 2001, (say in Spanish) “In film and media, the emphasis is on sex appeal. It's about gorgeous people.” This translated says: if you're going to be successful in the world as a Latino, you have to have sex appeal. While that is not a bad thing, it unfortunately gives us an unrealistic representation of Hispanic people. According to Migration World Magazine, March 2001, Hispanic youth feel that the only way out is to play the Latin lover, not the Latin scholar. Rather than stay in school, thirty-one percent of Hispanic boys drop out. It is just as high for Hispanic girls, and almost as high as my cousin, Lupe. (Mime a joint) Now that we know what the latin lover syndrome is, and why it is a problem, let’s “unbunch” our bikini briefs with some solutions.
        There are some solutions that we can implement. First, we must remember that we are all individually special and that stereotypes ignore our uniqueness. Oh, that’s original for ADS, but it’s true. We are all unique and we’re here for a reason. You’re here because we need a great educator and you’re meant to change people’s minds and hopefully their lives. You’re here because you have a great sense of humor and you’re meant to spread some happiness. I’m here because the rhythm method is really popular in Hispanic families. I probably shouldn’t say that. It just adds to the idea that we are just about the sex, although sometimes the sex is great…really great… oh J-lo right there.  Excuse me.  We must refrain from that primitive way of thinking. Professional School Counseling, October 2001 explains that it starts with Hispanics at all levels. We must have pride in our own racial and cultural identity or this syndrome will continue.  A second solution was suggested by Cameron McCarthy in the January 2001 Oxford Review of Education. He said, “We need to pressure all media for realistic portrays of Latinos.” We can’t wait for Hollywood or the record industry to do it them selves. That would be like trying to wait for the pesos to be worth something. It’s like in Mexico after a husband dies, the wife can’t date until two years passed or until she’s grown a moustache. Which ever comes first. I am saying that we can’t wait. Act now. The efforts of educators to provide practical solutions to racial inequality became one of the most powerful slogans in the 80s. Yet we need to get Federal legislation for ethnic studies and bilingual programs to continue to fight prejudice all over, especially in the media. We need to reinforce the government’s commitment to multicultural approaches to racial differences. Just including Hispanics in media is not enough. The Educational Review, June 2001, tells us that we must stop all stereotypes with a vengeance equal to a cultural war.
 Today we have learned, as Selecciones, stated on July 2, 2001, Machos, get down a Notch-o and face reality! We have first made out with some of the Latin Lover qualities, we secondly caressed and gazed into some of the problems, and finally rounded every base possible and gave birth to some simple solutions. Before I go I would like to leave Boy Bands. It has a little salsa blues kick to it.  It goes a little something like this. “If your Latin and you know it clap your hands!  If your Latin and you know it clap your hands! If your Latin and you know it, then your syphilis count should surely show it, if your Latin and you know it clap your hands.”
 
 
 
 

Get rid of Elvis Presley and Elvis Costello! There's a new king in town. Me! Elvis Mando! The next meringue singe! (Pull out CD) And here is my first CD! You think this CD will give me a big head? My mother says I was born with one. My head was born on a Friday and my body was born on Sunday. The doctor feared my head would block out the sun. But I am the next best thing since sliced tortillas. I am part of the hot line of Latin Lovers that includes Enrico, Ricky and J-Lo. That’s not Jell-o, but her T & A sure moves like they are full of it.  I shouldn’t say that. I could get sued, fined, or arrested. I hate it when that happens, especially when it gets on the inter-net, or the wall at the post office. Still J-Lo’s hot, and I know what's hot. Forbes, January 24, 2001, reported, “Hispanics are hot. Hispanic media is hot.” And you wondered why I put my bikini underwear in the freezer every night. Latin Love is so hot according to the 2000 Census Hispanic birthrates went up 38% last year. We are not just mattress bopping, we’re also chart-topping.  The Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, Spring 2001, announced that Latin Lovers are big among Latinos, African Americans, Asian Americans, and Caucasians. Okay, I know where Latin America is, I even know where Africa and Asia are, but where is Caucasia?  Yeah, whities groove to La Vida Loca, La Copa de La Vida, La Bomba, and yet they have no idea what we're saying. And folks, the Latin Lover Syndrome is hurting us. Brandweek, July 2, 2001, explained that the stereotypical Latin Lover is big in media, but small in reality. This disparity is causing cognitive dissonance among Hispanic youth. Society is sending the message that Latinos are the best lovers, and the worst lawyers. As Selecciones, stated on July 2, 2001, Machos, get down a Notch-o and face reality! To better understand why everyone wants a quickie with Ricky and why The Latin Lover Syndrome is dangerous, we will first make out the Latin Lover qualities, then secondly, look over, caress, and fondle the problem, so that finally we can kiss and make up a solution to this seductive stroke, I mean seductive joke.
A Latin Lover may be a male or a female. A male Latin Lover is one who measures his machismo, not with a Home Depot tape measure, but a K-Mart ruler. According to Hispanic Magazine, September 2000 a Latin Lover measures his success by the legions of females he can enslave. The Latin Lover can flamenco dance or do the salsa, or even shake the bon-bon without letting his bikini underwear bunch-up. A trick I learned from my mother. According to Cosmopolitan, January 2001, bikini underwear is one reason people find Latin Lovers sexy. Who can stand panty lines!  True, "banana hammocks" don't leave much to the imagination, but so what?  Chances are, you're looking to this bound-to-be-a-bed-hopper for a wild ride, and there's no need to waste time guessing: is he my fantasy looking for a place to land de plane, and will he go where no man has gone before? I can say “Yes! And Yes!” The second type of Latin Lover is the female Latin Lover.  She is one who measures her prestige by the countless men she can enslave. Oh, and I would be a Jo-Lo’s slave. Beg on me. Cachetea me! John Lequizamo summarized the reason Latinos are stereotyped as great lovers. In the September 2001 magazine In-Style, he said, Latinos, are erotic because they are physical and in touch with their bodies. Well, of course. When you grow up touching and hugging while sleeping with five brothers in one bed, you better be comfortable with your sexuality. Now that we stripped away the Latin Lover’s aura of mystery, let’s uncover why it is a problem.
There are many problems of the Latin Lover Syndrome. First, is that when we do see a Latin American in the media, they are usually a gangster, a drug addict or a lover. Yet most of the time we are invisible on television or in the movies. I mean name a Hispanic sit-com.  There’s... and there is.... See. Imagine if the big sitcoms actually made us visible. They’d probably follow the stereotypes. We’d have Just Shoot Me Up about Hispanic crack addicts trying to run a magazine called Rush. We’d have Everybody Loves Raymano about a Latin Don Juan whose wife, mother, grandmother, and all his aunts live in the same house. According to the Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, Spring 2001, the Latin American population has mushroomed in the United States during the last quarter of the 20th century. It increased from 14% in 1970 to 48% by 2001. Even with this population increase our presence in the media industry is negligible. It doesn’t make sense. It’s nun-sense! The second problem is that the Latin Lover Syndrome is a Hollywood myth that promotes racism. According to Victoria Secret Thomas, author of the 2001 book, Hollywood's Latin Lovers, "Latin Lovers were created as a passport to a forbidden fantasy.” This is why the high school student body president, Hope Crawley dated me last month. Well, it’s also because I kept camping out by her locker. But everything was going great until destiny set in. Destiny Crawley, her mother that is, muscled in. It was like the film The Graduate, or in my neighborhood, The GED equivalent. Many Americans even think of Latin America as a fantasy world where they live in constant daylight savings. They’ve turned their clocks back thirty years. Additionally this syndrome reveals the colonial attitude of the European meeting the indigenous man. The Latin Lover Syndrome creates an image that the Hispanic is a sexually hungry native needing rescue by a sexually mature white person. Nonetheless, it is all money in the bank. Everyone is getting into the act. Even Mr. All-American Lifeguard, David Hasselhoff who, according to Entertainment Weekly, November 11, 2001, recently released a full-length Spanish album. He claims his real name is David Gonzalez. Yeah, right! And I’m Michelle Quan! A third problem is how this syndrome makes Hispanics feel a need to always look sexy. As James Borrego, reminds us in Hispanic Magazine, October 2001, in film and media, the emphasis is on sex appeal. It's about gorgeous people. This translated says: if you're going to be successful in the world as a Latino, you have to have sex appeal. While that in it is not a bad thing, it unfortunately gives us an unrealistic representation of Hispanic people. According to Migration World Magazine, March 2001, Hispanic youth feel that the only way out is to play the Latin lover, not the Latin scholar. Rather than stay in school, thirty-one percent of Hispanic boys drop out. It is just as high for Hispanic girls. JOKE TRANSITION
There are two solutions that we can all implement. First, we must remember that we are all individually special and that stereotypes ignore our uniqueness. Oh, that’s original for ADS, but it’s true. We are all unique and we’re here for a reason. You’re here because we need a great educator and you’re meant to change people’s minds. You’re here because you have a great sense of humor and you’re meant to spread some happiness. I’m here because the rhythm method is really popular in Hispanic families. Professional School Counseling, October 2001 explains that it starts with Hispanics at all levels. We must have pride in our own racial and cultural identity or this syndrome will continue.  A second solution was suggested by Cameron McCarthy in the January 2001 Oxford Review of Education. He said, “We need to pressure all media for realistic portrays of Latinos.” We can’t wait for Hollywood or the record industry to do it them selves. That would be like trying to wait for the pesos to be worth something. It’s like in Mexico after a husband dies, the wife can’t date until two years passed or until she’s grown a moustache. Which ever comes first. I am saying that we can’t wait. Act now. The efforts of educators to provide practical solutions to racial inequality became one of the most powerful slogans in the 80s. Yet we need to get Federal legislation for ethnic studies and bilingual programs to continue to fight prejudice all over, especially in the media. We need to reinforce the government’s commitment to multicultural approaches to racial differences. Just including Hispanics in media is not enough. The Educational Review, June 2001, tells us that we must stop all stereotypes with a vengeance equal to a cultural war.
 Today, we uncovered why everyone wants a quickie with me and why The Latin Lover Syndrome is perilous to Hispanics by first defining the Latin Lover, and then why it’s a problem, and then I offered some well thought out solutions.