Sentences for analysis and
revision Sentences for analysis and
revisionWhen writers encounter new ideas, they often struggle when they try to express them. The sentences they write are often garbled, sometimes amusingly so. As they become more comfortable with those new ideas, they can see the problems with those sentences and revise them easily. Garbled sentences really only have three kinds of problems which writers can uncover by asking the following three questions:
Is it a sentence? This is a question about sentence boundaries. Is the sentence a fragment? Is it a run-on? The fix is usually easy. For fragments, the idea can be incorporated into the sentence that comes before it or the one that follows. For a run-on sentence, the sentence parts just need to be punctuated properly or combined using a comma and a conjunction. See the following examples:
- For instance, organizations like Mothers Against Drunk Driving and the American Cancer Society.
- Complications such as: finding the right people to trade with, honesty in the trade, the definition of value, really finding what you want, the stress in the whole trade, and the list goes on and on.
- To complete some forms of educational courses to maintain a career.
- Also making their money to support themselves at a full time job which means working 32 hours or more a week.
Is it true? This is a question about accuracy. Sometimes this is an obvious judgment, sometimes
a little more subtle. Errors of fact occur in sentences frequently when writers are struggling with new information. Revising these sentences is a little more difficult because writers may have to re-read or re-interpret what they read. See the following examples:
- The present king of France is wise.
- New Mexico is not part of the United States.
- Profit-making organizations like car dealers or the National Rifle Association use direct mail to raise money.
- Bartering is one of the original form of currency.
Does it mean? This is a question about tangled syntax or meaning. In most cases, these sentence problems are caused by not clearly identifying who is taking action in a sentence, and what they are doing to whom. Ask this question in this form: Who's doing what to whom? In many cases, because writers are using forms of the verb "to be," they can solve the problem by adding a person or people to the sentence and have them do something. See the following examples:
- The main problems and inconveniences with bartering simply involve complexity
in getting what one wants when they want it, and also taking a lot of time.- To disagree or agree somewhat was the majority of the answers to the questions which seem to be some of the most talked about topics in politics.
- For example, 87% of the students in this class use personal computers so it shouldn’t be difficult to operate the student server.
- I also think that most of the ages in our class are older is because they never had the opportunity to start college after high school.
At first, untangling the meaning in these sentences can be a daunting task. When students ask me why I starred a sentence, I usually ask them "What did you mean to say?" They then can usually produce a sentence that is much clearer. I reply, "Write it like that!" I read what you write, not what you thought, or what you intended to say.
To find these sentences, break out the sentences in each of your paragraphs into a list. Scrutinize each sentence to make sure it says what you meant it to say!