Davis 1  (header for p.1)

James Davis                                                                 

English 102

Professor Furlong

23 July 2004

                                                            Anorexia Nervosa:  A Teenage Epidemic (now a title--not just a topic)

        Imagine a disease without a clear diagnosis or cure.  Not a virus, not a cancer.  No enemy to trace and root out of the body.  Imagine a self-inflicted disease that haunts you minute by minute, a disease that you control--just as it controls you. (attention getter) Anorexia nervosa, a psychological disorder with physical consequences, is such a disease.  As of 1998, according to the National Academy of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, this eating disorder currently plagues more than seven million American teenage girls (Landau 16). notice where the period goes and that there is no comma between the author's last name and the page number The American Academy of Neurology describes anorexia as a "pathological fear of weight gain leading to faulty eating patterns, malnutrition, and usually excessive weight loss" ("Anorexia Nervosa"). Again, notice where the period is even in a quote--and within the parentheses is the title of an article, in quotation marks because that's how it is on the Works Cited page and notice how the quote is short and integrated. Typical anorexics are healthy, attractive girls from successful families short explanation of the problem.  Although public awareness of anorexia has risen since the 1980's, its cause and cure have continued to baffle physicians and psychologists, as well as parents, friends, and victims themselves (Landau 19). Thesis statement.  Notice this thesis sentence mentions nothing about SOLUTIONS because this essay is about the causes.   Here it is implicit (causes are not listed in the thesis) mainly because this student writes about five causes which would be very cumbersome a list).  You should write an explicit thesis (list the causes) especially if you will be discussing only three or four causes.
        Many theories about the cause of anorexia have been proposed.  Some experts blame the advertising and entertainment industries for their startlingly thin models and actresses.  Others argue that girls monitor their food intake because they lack control in other areas of their lives.  Still others blame perfectionist families or cite depression and low self-esteem as causes for anorexia (Orenstein 22-27). This fact was probably a summary.  How do I know?  the writer found this information on 6 pages. All these theories, however, lack a key element--the complex relationship that teenage girls have with sexual desire and desirability (Landau 29). what purpose does this paragraph serve?  it is called a transition paragraph.  it has a sentence about each of the many possible causes claimed by the experts and now, the writer will cover each in separate paragraphs--notice the strong topic sentences (first sentences) for each of the support paragraphs below.
        Blaming the media's thin role models is an especially popular explanation for anorexia in teenage girls (Zerbe 13). Great topic sentence Sleek, slim, 5'10", 115-pound women are not good role models for girls just coming into an understanding about their bodies, say feminists and parents.  As they reach their early teens, girls begin to flirt, date, and worry about their physical appearance.  When the only images they have to compare themselves with are grossly disproportioned, it is not surprising that many girls develop unrealistic goals for their appearance (Pipher 2).
        Further good transition, teens encourage each other to uphold and follow the standards set up by the media.  Exercise and dieting are common topics of discussion among teenage girls, as are grooming and dating.  While boys are encouraged to compete in football or hockey, girls tend to compete for the best bodies, clothes and boyfriends (Landau 17).  The popular "blame the media and peer pressure" explanation, however, does not, by itself, fully address the reasons that girls value beauty and sexual desirability so highly.
        A different theory transition again about teenage anorexia cites the drastic changes during adolescence as a source of anxiety and illness (Great topic sentence).  According to this theory, teenagers feel out of control as they make the shift from childhood to adulthood, so they seek to control the only thing they think they can:  their bodies (Landau 5).  Undoubtedly, girls (and boys) face many changes during adolescence:  shifts in relationships with parents, new social standing and worries about the future, introduction to dating and sexuality, as well as physical and hormonal changes (Pipher 4).  So much upheaval could certainly lead one to feel panicked, helpless, or out of control.  Such feelings, coupled with sexual peer pressure and the idealized female image, likewise could certainly lead some girls to starve themselves (6). What is this number 6?  The last piece of information came from Pipher (the previous citation) page 6.  When a citation from the same author immediately (consecutively) follows, you do not repeat the author's name (as long as they are within the same paragraph). They want both to reach the new standard that has been set for them (a 5'10", 115-pound toned body), and they want to hold onto and shape some part of their lives. This last sentence is not cited because it is the writer summing things up for this paragraph.
        A more specific pressure that many anorexic girls may be responding to is family. Great topic sentence. Statistically, anorexics tend to be high-achieving "good girls and dutiful daughters" (Pipher 7).  Their families are strict, close-knit, and success driven, and often it is difficult for these daughters to separate psychologically from their parents (Stierlin and Weber 12). If there's more than one author or editor, both must be cited with "and" in the middle--not &.  Anorexia, then, becomes both a way to strive for high goals (female beauty expressed through extreme thinness) and a means to act autonomously.  As Melissa Dean, a former anorexic and the daughter of a successful business owner, explains, "My parents were really strict.  I did everything for them.  I accomplished everything.  I felt like I had to do all this stuff.  But dieting was one thing I could do for myself . . . I could make myself not eat." quotes must always immediately be followed by a citation; however, in this case, it was an interview and the citation (Melissa Dean) was given in text rather than parenthetical ( ).  The theory of familial pressure has become very popular during the 1980's and 1990's, and deservedly so, since so many anorexic girls come from traditional middle and upper-class homes (Zerbe 54).  Like the theory of media pressure, however, it does not explain why girls choose starvation and/or beauty to seek their autonomy.
        Still another notice how each of these paragraphs start with transition, not first, second, third--more sophisticated terms are used  theory is that anorexia stems from depression or low self esteem Great topic sentence.  Proponents of this theory suggest that uncertainty about physical, emotional, or relational changes may cause many teenagers to lose self-confidence and, possibly, to collapse into depression.  Once these girls feel depressed or inadequate, they look for a way to redeem themselves:  physical perfection (Kinoy et al. 12). et al is what the style sheet says to do if you have more than three authors (et al means "and following") However, though depression and low self-esteem might be present in an anorexic, they do not necessarily cause anorexia.  Depression, for example, sometimes causes people to overeat rather than starve (Orenstein 12).  Furthermore, this theory, like the control theory, does not consider why physical perfection becomes the chosen means of dealing with depression or feelings of inadequacy.  The question still remains:  Why is being physically desirable so intensely important to some adolescent girls?
        Perhaps a fuller understanding lies in a different direction this wording, now, suggests the organization of this essay--from the most widely held (popular) assumption for the cause to the most complex (newer) research about a possible cause   Great topic sentence  Perhaps anorexics don't pursue desirability but are rather avoiding it.  Part of the traumatic shift from girlhood to womanhood is a movement fro pre-sexual "neutral" self to a sexualized self that is an object of desire.  During adolescence, American girls learn that in order to be good, successful women, they must inspire male desire while repressing their own; they are introduced to a double standard that favors male sexuality and represses women's desires.  On the one hand, girls learn to seek male attention because having dates and boyfriends can increase their popularity or social status.  But on the other hand, giving in to sexual pressures can turn them into outcasts, they may be labeled "sluts" (Orenstein 22). This parenthetical citation comes after 6 sentences.  All the information from the 6 sentences is taken from Orenstein 22).  This is the format rather than (Orenstein 22) after each of the 6 sentences. Further, they learn that since men cannot be expected to control their sexual appetites, women must use mental willpower to overcome male pressures, as well as their own physical desires.  As one mother explained to her daughter, "Your body wants one thing and your mind says another and you'll always feel that way" (34).The last quote came from Orenstein p. 34, but since it was immediately after the last Orenstein citation, just the page is given.  In this way, girls learn to hide their own desire while tantalizing it in males.
        The shift from a largely desexualized girlhood to a highly sexualized adolescence and womanhood can easily lead to confusion, upset, and anger.  Such stress can also compound anxieties about changes at home, school, and in the body.  It can create a need to control something, to hold onto something; and sometimes that thing, whether victims know it or not, is girlhood.  It has been argued that anorexics starve themselves in an unconscious effort to stunt their growth in order to remain girls, and, certainly, teenage anorexia does interfere with maturation and hormonal development (Landau 13).  The thing that such girls resist, however, may not simply be physical change but rather the shift from a neutral self to an object of desire.  As Sarah Lasseter, a former anorexic, related, "I hated the thought of sex.  I didn't want a gender.  I didn't want a body.  I just wanted to be me."  Such comments are heart-breaking, and it is a great misfortune that girls--and their parents, teachers, and doctors--do not consider the traumatic social conditioning that accompanies adolescence when they search out causes for anorexia.  Instead of seeking desirability, some girls may actually be trying to escape it.  excellent conclusion--notice--it's obvious that it's a conclusion so you should not begin it with "In conclusion" or any other phrase like that.
  When you read this essay, I want you to see a number of things that this writer does well:  there are very few quotes (you cannot have a lot of quotes in short papers--then it's not your work), the way the quotes are integrated into the text (not introduced or translated--quote followed by "this means"), the vocabulary is at a college level, there were very few short sentences and very few sentences in a row began with the same words.  Also, the sentence structure was varied.  You cannot begin every sentence with the subject or "the," "A," or "and."  Strive to do as well in your paper.  Don't rush through it.  Proofread very carefully and use spell check.  Good luck--email me if you have any questions.  The conclusion is more than just an ending--there is a certain poignancy about the situation presented.  Remember, this essay is on the same Problem/topic as your research paper, but it is about causes--so your thesis statement cannot be the one about the problem and solutions--it must be about problem and causes.

(the following is on a separate page, double-spaced, arranged in alphabetical order (not numbered)--using reverse indentation [see third example down]) Notice, also, that every entry ends in a period.  You must use at least two (2) sources for this essay and include on your Works Cited page.

                                                                                                                       Davis 9 (header)

                                                      Works Cited  (heading is centered--Works -- plural)

"Anorexia nervosa."  American Academy of Neurology (Online).

           http://www.aan.com/res/pig6.html.

Dean, Melissa.  Telephone interview.  10 Oct. 1999.

Kinoy, Barbara, Edward Miller, David Arnott, and James Atchley.  "When Will We Laugh

           Again?" American Journal of Psychology  54 (1999):  27-45. (notice use of reverse indentation when the entry is longer than one line--also notice the order of authors--in the citation in the paper, you must have all authors names--for 4 or more, you may say Kinoy et al, but for three or two, all last names must appear in the citation)               Landau, Edward.  Why Are They Starving Themselves?  New York:  Messner Publishing,

          1998.

Lassiter, Sarah.  Personal interview.  16 Dec. 1999.

Orenstein, Paul.  Schoolgirls:  Young Women, Self-esteem, and the Confidence Gap.  New

          York:  Doubleday, 1994.

Pipher, Mary B.  "Reviving Ophelia:  Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls"  Prevention Apr.

          1995:  1-10,11.

Special notes:  book pages do not appear on the Works Cited page, be sure that book and newspaper/magazine names are underlined, article names are in quotation mark

In order to choose the correct information that will go inside the parentheses (    ) when you are citing in your paper, you should do your works cited page first, since WHATEVER APPEARS FIRST ON THE LINE FOR THAT SOURCE (ON THE WORKS CITED PAGE) WILL BE WHAT APPEARS IN THE PARENTHESES (with page numbers only if they are the original page numbers, not the page numbers attributed by your printer if you are printing out an online source's text).